


Fallen in With Feelings That I Cannot Shake

by asexualjuliet



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s01e15 Ruskie Business, Gen, He’s dealing with some shit ok, Logan has a mental breakdown, Logan is a dick but i am forever soft for the “bad boy with a tragic backstory” trope, Veronica’s trying but I gave her approximately four lines in this, Vomiting, minimal comfort though, so here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26068252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualjuliet/pseuds/asexualjuliet
Summary: They don’t even make it back to Veronica’s car before Logan starts crying again.Aftermath of Trina & Logan’s conversation in the hotel in 1x15
Relationships: Logan Echolls & Veronica Mars
Comments: 18
Kudos: 26





	Fallen in With Feelings That I Cannot Shake

**Author's Note:**

> _Oh this feels like a misstep, oh what a mistake.  
>  But I’ve fallen in with feelings that I cannot shake.  
> The darkness that pulls me is draggin' me down.  
> And I think that I might be willing to drown.  
> —Draggin’ Me Down by Travis Love Benson & Yo! The Moon_
> 
> Hello I’m approximately sixteen years late to the Veronica Mars party but I think I get a pass on account of this show being as old as me.  
> I just finished this episode and I’m always a sucker for broken bad boys so.... here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

They don’t even make it back to Veronica’s car before he starts crying again. 

Heaving sobs rip through his chest, doubling him over until he collapses in a pile on the edge of the parking lot. 

“Logan…” he hears Veronica say, and that does nothing but remind him he’s being a fucking pussy, crying his goddamn eyes out in the parking lot of the Sunset Regent. 

How fucking stupid was he? How the fuck could a lighter left on his mom’s nightstand be enough to prove that she was still out there? How stupid and childish has Veronica thought he was being this entire fucking time?

He feels her hand on his back as she hesitantly crouches down beside him. “It’s okay, Logan,” she says gently, and Logan wants to laugh, wants to make some smart-ass comment, because it’s definitely _not_ okay, but all he can do is sob. 

He looks at her, lets his eyes meet hers, and the worried, pitiful look on her face makes him squeeze his eyes shut without a second thought, because he really can’t stand to see the pity in hers. 

He thinks of Duncan’s face when he’d told him he was sure his mother was still out there. He thinks of Trina in his mother’s clothes. He thinks of an abandoned red car on the bridge, license plate ECHOLLS2. He thinks of his _mom,_ sees her falling in the background of that freshman’s shitty homemade war movie. There’s nothing he can do to deny that that black dot in the distance is his mom anymore, and that kind of makes him want to throw up. 

And he does. He tries to lean away from Veronica when he does it, heaving up the nothing he’s eaten all day save for less than half a blueberry muffin that Duncan had practically force-fed him that morning. 

“Oh, shit!” he hears Veronica say behind him, as he vomits mouthfuls of bile onto the concrete. She shifts her hand on his back, rubs circles in it like his mom used to when he was sick as a kid, and he knows it’s supposed to be comforting, but the memory of her just makes him cry harder. He lets another sob tear through his chest and everything is _too much,_ and Logan _can’t handle it,_ and he wants his _mom._

It’s not like she was a great mom or anything. She was probably, like, average at best, and Logan can’t remember the last time she’d held him as he’d cried. Maybe it’s ‘cause he hasn’t cried in front of her in years, or maybe it’s because she always turned a blind eye to the cigarette burns and belt buckle scars. He doesn’t know, but he wants her here now. 

“Are you drunk?” Veronica asks, her words far away. Logan just shakes his head, which makes the world around him spin. He definitely feels a little drunk. He definitely wishes he was drunk. 

He retches again, nothing coming up, and his mouth tastes like something just died in it, and he wants his mom right now more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire fucking life. 

Veronica continues to rub his back, runs her other hand through his hair as his sobs taper off. Logan wipes his mouth on his sleeve and buries his face in his knees. 

“Hey,” Veronica says, nudging Logan with her elbow. He looks up, and she offers him a half-empty water bottle. He takes it, half-wishing it was alcohol as he tips it back and lets it wash away the acrid taste in his mouth. 

“Thanks,” he says as he hands it back. She nods, stuffing the plastic bottle back in her purse. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, head turning back to face him. “About your mom. I’m really sorry.”

“Can we not talk about her right now?” Logan asks, because he’s so fucking close to puking again, and if he thinks about his mom for another second, he’s definitely going to. 

Veronica nods. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Silence washes over them, and Logan briefly wonders just how fucking weird they must look to any of the Sunset Regent’s other patrons. He’s just glad there’s no paparazzi here to immortalize this pathetic scene. 

“Can I go home?” he asks, and he feels like a baby saying it, but all he wants right now is to go home, and maybe to get a little wasted. 

“Yeah,” Veronica says, getting up and offering Logan a hand. 

He takes it, and she leads him to her car, not letting go until they reach the passenger’s-side door, whereupon she squeezes his hand, gives him a sad smile, and walks around to the driver’s side. 

Veronica starts the car. Logan leans out the window. He doesn’t want her to see him cry any more. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> All mistakes are my own, please let me know if you see any!
> 
> Kudos/Comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
